Couples Counseling
Is your relationship stuck in a rut?
The immediate issue is almost always the tip of the iceberg.
Whats underneath the arguments, the feeling that something is not working?
Couples therapy helps shine a light on repeating conflicts and cultivates awareness so that when conflict erupts over what might seem like a small thing, or the same thing over and over again a bigger picture emerges that allows more clarity around what’s being fought about and causing discontent.
Whats underneath the arguments, the feeling that something is not working?
Couples therapy helps shine a light on repeating conflicts and cultivates awareness so that when conflict erupts over what might seem like a small thing, or the same thing over and over again a bigger picture emerges that allows more clarity around what’s being fought about and causing discontent.
All Relationships Experience Difficulties
How you manage those difficulties can make or break a relationship
Every relationship has a few shadows, the stuff that’s unspoken, the dark matter that shapes day to day interactions; unspoken expectations, implicit agreements and disagreements, silent grudges, secrets...
Past experiences within current relationships and past ones, shape how we understand each other and what’s going on between us. Naming and exploring these dynamics brings awareness, makes the implicit explicit and relationships become more manageable.
Past experiences within current relationships and past ones, shape how we understand each other and what’s going on between us. Naming and exploring these dynamics brings awareness, makes the implicit explicit and relationships become more manageable.
Common Issues in Couples
Effective Communication
Effective communication for couples involves talking things thru, listening, reflecting, noticing your responses and impulses before reacting. Communication is an ongoing process that can be improved and fine tuned in couples therapy. Couples often want similar things; love, respect and connection, often it is the way we go about getting those needs and desires met that causes discord. Teasing out how something is communicated from what is being requested or addressed can untangle the tensions that make a relationship seem unsustainable. Experimenting with different ways of communicating in couples counseling can rewire a relationship into something more workable.
High Conflict Couples
Ironically good communication can lead to more conflict, and regularly discussing difficult decisions and working on problem solving skills together can lead to more trust and intimacy. Have you ever seen one of those rom-coms where the protagonists start off hating one another and end up falling in love? Good conflict often results in good sex. If you can openly express your frustrations with one another then you can also openly express your love for one another. Having conflict in a relationship is only a problem if the ways in which you express yourself are hurtful. No conflict, always agreeing, in a relationship can be an indication of a lack of intimacy or a lack of autonomy. Passion involves both love and hate.
Finances
Finances are emotionally loaded. Money issues effect the power dynamics in relationships; who makes more, who spends more, who has the control, who is dependent… Couples therapy explores the financial behaviors and attitudes present in the relationship. How your partner relates to money and how that interacts with your own money dynamics directly impacts the relationship. Growing an awareness and an openness around discussing financial issues is healthy for relationships.
Trust
Do you trust what you know about your partner? Do you trust your partner to have your best interests in mind? Do you trust your partner to take care of you when you are sick? Do you trust your partner to work through differences? Trust comes in many flavors and ultimately is shaped through how you treat each other over time. If it is broken and if it can be worked through your relationship might end up even stronger than it was.
Intimacy
Intimacy is directly impacted by all of the above. Good communication skills, a tolerance for navigating conflict, a willingness to be open about finances, and a healthy respect for trust all contribute to an atmosphere that enables intimacy, both emotionally and physically. Couples therapy helps put words to the desires, needs and vulnerabilities that help cultivate intimate connections.
The Benefits of Couples therapy
A professional couples counselor can provide a space to explore and mediate the dynamics in your relationship
with equanimity and experiences from working with other couples.
A third eye from the outside to reflect back what is being witnessed
with the goal of making sure everyone is being heard and seen.
Being part of a couple can be lonely when the relationship is not witnessed and cared for by others.
There is no guarantee that couples counseling will save your relationship.
However you will learn something about yourself in relationship to others.
And what you learn can be used in all your relationships.
Couples therapy develops an awareness of what you want and need.
It helps you put words to your needs and desires so you can ask for what you want and advocate for yourself while learning to negotiate with the needs and desires of others.
Couples therapy illuminates how your past relationships are showing up in your present relationships.
Becoming aware of how your past impacts your present gives you control over how you contextualize your emotional experiences and helps you navigate all of your relationships; family, work, community as well as being a part of a couple.
Couples therapy Is an investment in your relationship with yourself. It will help you understand, value and respect your own particular perspective while being relationship with the particular points of views of others.
with equanimity and experiences from working with other couples.
A third eye from the outside to reflect back what is being witnessed
with the goal of making sure everyone is being heard and seen.
Being part of a couple can be lonely when the relationship is not witnessed and cared for by others.
There is no guarantee that couples counseling will save your relationship.
However you will learn something about yourself in relationship to others.
And what you learn can be used in all your relationships.
Couples therapy develops an awareness of what you want and need.
It helps you put words to your needs and desires so you can ask for what you want and advocate for yourself while learning to negotiate with the needs and desires of others.
Couples therapy illuminates how your past relationships are showing up in your present relationships.
Becoming aware of how your past impacts your present gives you control over how you contextualize your emotional experiences and helps you navigate all of your relationships; family, work, community as well as being a part of a couple.
Couples therapy Is an investment in your relationship with yourself. It will help you understand, value and respect your own particular perspective while being relationship with the particular points of views of others.
Questions About Couples Counseling
Cost: $200 for a 50 minute session
How often: Most couples start off with weekly or bi-weekly sessions and taper down as dynamics become more manageable. Often couples will go to monthly session to maintain the relationship or call for an appointment when a conflict or crisis of some sort occurs, as needed.
Does It work? Couples counseling is a process and it takes time to see if it is going to work. It works if it is workable. It is workable if both partners can commit to a process that evolves over time, can tolerate some uncertainty, are willing to make some compromises and willing to try to see things from each others point of view. If it does not work, couples counseling can help you separate, divorce, co-parent and move forward.
How often: Most couples start off with weekly or bi-weekly sessions and taper down as dynamics become more manageable. Often couples will go to monthly session to maintain the relationship or call for an appointment when a conflict or crisis of some sort occurs, as needed.
Does It work? Couples counseling is a process and it takes time to see if it is going to work. It works if it is workable. It is workable if both partners can commit to a process that evolves over time, can tolerate some uncertainty, are willing to make some compromises and willing to try to see things from each others point of view. If it does not work, couples counseling can help you separate, divorce, co-parent and move forward.